I’ve been struggling this year, truly I have. My favorite holiday has always been Christmas, hands down. I’d start celebrating early, on the first of November. Christmas music was at the top of my list, it’s the only thing I’d listen to from November first until the day after Christmas. I loved wrapping presents and giving them to my loved ones every year. I baked pumpkin bread and pumpkin cheesecake, I’d make sure I had cinnamon spiced coffee or tea, I’d have egg nog in the refrigerator. I’d have the Christmas spirit for months after Christmas, it was wonderful.

Last year something seemed to change in me, I wasn’t as excited. The season flew by and I didn’t bake anything but break apart cookies. Our house was just cluttered, not seasonal. It just didn’t feel the same. This year, well, I just want the stupid holiday to be over…

I know, it’s sad. But at least I’m being honest. This year, even being a great shopper, I still ended up spending way to much. We even had it easy this year, we had a very low spending limit with my family and my husbands family decided we’d only buy for the kids! I have no clue how we could have spent so much.

But that’s one of my gripes. In today’s Christmas world, presents equal love. Sad as that may seem, it seems to be the norm. As much as I’d like to teach my daughter the value of ANYTHING, she’s 7 and expects everything. She asked the “how many presents did you buy me this year” question, and as my heart sank I just told her at least one. My heart sank because I knew it was impossible to get through to a 7 year old that it’s not how many presents you get that’s important. This is the same kid who just got everything possible for her birthday last week and still has an insatiable appetite to fill her room with more stuff she will NEVER touch.

I witnessed two cars almost get into a wreck in a Kohls parking lot. I was floored to hear the profanity coming out of one womans mouth (with her elderly mother sitting next to her) as the man in the other car flipped her off (with his wife and 3 kids in the car). Tis the season is all I thought.

I never have Christmas music on because no one else in our home cares to hear it. Not only that, but we do everything by iPod now and my Christmas CD’s have yet to be loaded, so I’m stuck listening to the same radio station playing the same 25 Christmas songs over and over again.

Everything is a rush and an “I must”. I must finish wrapping, I must send cards, I must go to the post office, I must decorate, I must bake, I must, I must, I must. Before, those were the FUN things to do.

We do have family coming, my sister and her family. I’m happy about that, but it has nothing at all to do with Christmas. I can’t wait until Christmas is just over. People spend to much, eat to much, I swear there’s a run on Lipovox the day after Christmas.

But every year I’m sure I’ll be hopeful for a good Christmas. I told my husband we should be like the Kranks, just skip it next year and take a vacation to Mexico with the kids in tow. Well, here’s to a happy Christmas for all. (I’m still hoping for a magical day, even though I’m quite sure it won’t come:-( )